'Lil Bit

                                                         'Lil Bit

I watched Sadie May coming from a-far off, inching along the face of Clinch Mountain. She was no longer one of us, but to fit in she had put on a plain, gingham dress like the rest of the Clinch Mountain girls wore. I was wearing one like it myself. She was coming by way of the North Ridge Trail, which not many used. I knew who it was the moment I spotted her, and I reckoned she was coming for my baby. I felt a catch in my chest at that thought. After three years of raising and loving that child I reckoned I had a good claim to call her mine.

    I half expected her to draw up at “The Narrows,” as many folks do. The Narrows is a shoulder across the face of the mountain, a fifty foot stretch of trail where she drops off sharply on the one side, while the rest of Clinch Mountain, the very breast of Clinch Mountain, continues upward on the other side, the mountain above it there baring out her stretch marks and scars for all the world to see. That wall of rock rose up behind Sadie May like a great wave of ancient earth, shrinking down her figure like the ocean shrinks down a whale, or a ship, or even an island, leaving her insignificant in comparison. I would not have noticed her at all but that movement draws the eye, as her movement drew mine. But she did not draw up at The Narrows. Sadie May was raised in these mountains too, and had probably walked worse trails. She passed through The Narrows in good time, and would fetch up to the cabin soon enough.

    I went inside to where the babies slept, mine and hers. They slept in peace and comfort, in a soft bed, with their stomachs full. I didn’t have much to give them, but I could at least give that, and I could give them my all, which was more than anyone else had ever given to Sadie May’s child, and was a hell of a lot more than Sadie May had ever given to anybody.

    Sadie May married my brother Emmett three years back. I cannot say that she “was” married to him, because she was not, nor can I call her his wife, because she was never that either, although that he loved her cannot be doubted. In fact some would argue that Emmett died of a broken heart, but I knew better. What killed my brother Emmett was a bad case of stupid. He was stupid for loving Sadie May, and stupid for drinking himself to death on her account. 

    It was music that brought Emmett and Sadie May together. Mountain music. What some called Hillbilly Music. Sadie May was a musician. Giving the devil her due she was a good one, playing the guitar and singing. Together she and Emmett made the local rounds together, he harmonizing to her melody and accompanying on the banjo, but with him being in love and her being ambitious, Emmett became just a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Little Laurel was simply an unfortunate by-product of the whole unfortunate affair. It was only a matter of time until some rounder who spoke a little better, and dressed a bit nicer made bigger promises to Sadie May than Emmett could make. When one finally did, away flew Emmett's love on the wings of her dreams, leaving he and their baby behind.

    I scurried back to the porch just as Sadie May was crossing through the yard. She stopped on a dirt patch just in front of the rough board steps, her eyes lowered to the ground. “Hey, 'Lil Bit.” Her voice was soft, ashamed, which caught me by surprise.

    I crossed my arms defensively. “Hey, Sadie May. Did you come up here thinking I’d just let you up and take her off?” 

    “No, I didn’t think that, 'Lil Bit. I ain’t got no rights to her. I’d like to see her though, if that’s alright?”

    I looked at Sadie May long and hard, smelling for a trick. She had pretty eyes, even if her face was a might long, I wanted bad to see what it was Emmett saw, what it was that made him drown himself in corn liquor on her account. I didn’t trust her, not one bit, but she was Laurel’s rightful Momma, and I guessed I should let her see her, anyways. “Yea, Sadie May, come on in. She is sleeping.”

    “I’m sorry about Emmett, ’Lil Bit. I never meant to cause him any harm.”

    I really did not want to talk to her about what happened to Emmett. “No,” I said, “and I don’t reckon you meant to cause Laurel any harm either, running off and leaving her for three years, and her just a baby.”

    “I thought she had a daddy to care for her.”

    “Emmett? Are you trying to tell me that you spent all of them days and nights with Emmett Savage and didn’t know him any better than that?”

    “Ain’t much I can say to that, ’Lil Bit. It was my chance, was all. It was my chance, and I took it. It didn’t get me much though, did it ’Lizabeth?”

    It was not often I heard my given name. I was starting to feel sorry for Sadie May and I did not care for the feeling, so I didn’t answer her question, preferring to go on inside. “Come on, then.”

    Sadie May’s face changed when she saw her baby sleeping. For all of her stupid parents, Laurel was a beautiful baby, with her blond curls, plump lips and pink cheeks.

    “My God, ’Lil Bit, is that mine?” Her breath was nearly took away from her, and all of my meanness started leaking out.

    “No Sadie May, she ain’t yours. I have loved that child these years, so I reckon she’s mine.”

    Sadie May stooped to pick her up. My arms reached to stop her, but it was too late. She cradled the child tight to her breast, “I have loved her too, all these years, ’Lil Bit. I have loved her too!” There were tears in her eyes, and tears running down her cheeks. I felt an angry, white heat in my gut. She was going to try to take her! I was only five foot and one inch tall, but I ripped that child from that bigger woman's grasp. 

    “You can’t take her, Sadie May! Not after all this time! I won’t let you.”

    Sadie May gave me a long, careful look. For a minute I thought she was going to try it, but she did not. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, instead. “No, I guess I will not take her. I don’t reckon I deserve anything that sweet and nice.” 

    She bent towards me and kissed the baby on her mouth. My feelings were awash in turmoil. I didn’t want to be mean, but I had to protect what was mine. “Sadie May... I’m sorry.”

    “I am too, ’Lil Bit. I’m sorry too.” Sadie May tried a smile, but couldn't manage it. She turned and walked out across the porch, and across the yard, and toward the North Ridge Trail. I watched her for a long time crossing the mountain's face, her baby still asleep in my arms. I watched her until she was a speck on the mammoth mountainside, the mountain shrinking her down to insignificance. I watched her start out on that narrow shoulder of a North Ridge Trail, then I watched as Sadie May stopped there in the middle of that trail for a long, lonely minute, looking back. 

    I stood on the porch of that cabin rocking my brother’s baby, watching as the poor child's mother stepped off into nothing.